The Questions Within Us

Questions. It’s as if they come with us inherently when we are born. Who? Why? When? How? The world seems confounding to us when we are children. Fact is, it stays a conundrum our entire life. We all travel through the journey of questions from “mommy what does that do” to “What did I do in my life?”

The questions remain the same throughout, only the answers change at every stage. The answers change because our perceptions and needs morph. “Why is that the way it is”, asks a child to her mother, looking at a green colored slide in a playground. The mother lodges the child on top of the slide. The child looks at her mother, confused and scared at the same time. Her mother holds her hand and gently pushes her so that the she comes sliding down. She realizes suddenly what this big green colored thing is, but is still not sure how it works. The mother repeats the process two three times. The child now understands the mechanism and the fourth time she doesn’t need the gentle push from her mother. Off she goes, happy and contended after getting apprised with her answer. When she is all grown up, she asks the same question “Why is that the way it is” to herself, after contemplating about her life. She never gets a satisfied answer.

At a certain stage in life, when our mind is fully developed to understand the trivial things around us, we struggle with our emotions and hope for the answers to be as easy and pellucid as learning how to slide. “What do I want to do in my life”, “Where am I headed to?”, “Does he like me the same way I like him?”, “How can I tell her I love her so much”, “How do I say I’m sorry?”, “How can I be strong when everything around me is crumbling?”.. and the most dreadful question.. “Why am I not happy?”

Sometimes we wish for our mommy or daddy to just hold our hand and help us surpass this hurdle as well. But Alas! It doesn’t work that way. Our elders faced these questions, now we have to, and that is how we grow. Our parents helped us understand the little concepts of life, leaving up to us on how we want to live it.

So it’s time to be confident, to look at the questions in the eye, and find answers. To understand what you like, what you are. Life is not that hard once you figure how you are wired! It’s time not to change according to others, but to create paths according to yourself, on which you want to travel. “Why can’t I be skinny the way she is?” You are plump. Deal with it. You are special and precious in our own way. Find out what makes you unique, I’m sure some guy would love you for who you are. “I want to leave my job, try something new, but I’m afraid I will not succeed. What should I do?”. The answer is simple, take risks. Do what your heart says. If you would not do it today, you may regret it for the rest of your life. Come out of your comfort zone. Live. Live each and every moment for yourself.

Some people waste a life time looking for answers. Stop wasting your precious life. You were born for a purpose, find that purpose and live it. Get your questions answered and move on. You might have faced that situation when you were in a class and you had that huge urge to ask a question to your teacher, but you stopped, thinking that it’s lame. You ran away. You were not strong enough to face your fears, and now that question stays with you forever, unanswered. Life is the same. It would force you to ask questions. And I’m sure all of us have a number of those in our head right now. We could either pick one question at a time and get through with it, or we can ignore them now and live with them for eternity. So, what are you going to do?

K.A.

The race to be the “best”

We live in a world today moving towards development at a break-neck pace. It thus inherently becomes important to stand out in this race to be successful. Or does it?

Parents today want their child to be the king of everything. Be it drawing competitions, studies, or even the child’s social skills – parents want the best. What I have observed is that due to this constant need of wanting one’s child to be outstanding in all spheres of life, there is an implicit impact on the child. They tend to be aggressive, easily agitated, cranky and even disrespectful. Also, as they grow up, they are more involved in winning the metaphorical race rather than introspecting on what they really want to do. Irrespective of whether you are successful or not, after all this running, you would definitely realize the number of years you lost just because you were searching for the best.

What we need is to stop converting our children into machines. We need to stop pushing them to run with the crowd. We need to stop “making” them the best, rather we should focus on “bringing out” the best in them. Don’t force your child to study math just because everyone else is studying it. Make him/her study math only if your child has a propensity to excel in the subject. Make your child aware of the environment around him. Teach them to meditate, relax and acknowledge the nature around them. Inculcate in them the habit of contemplating, so that they may realize their own dreams. Don’t take their childhood away from them! Let them play. Wouldn’t it be better for them to build a sand castle rather than take a skateboarding class just because all of their friends are taking it?

I’ve enjoyed my childhood to the fullest, never having to feel pressurized about anything. But the way children are becoming today appalls me. It’s like the child innocence has vanished somewhere. I understand that the world today expects a lot out of our young ones, and that builds up a necessity for them to do good in all spheres of life. But that does not imply in any way to take their childhood from them. Give them all the exposure they need. Tell them about the world, educate them. Trust me, this would make them far better individuals than throwing them into coaching classes.

From the Indian perspective, I see parents today neglecting their children. Parents are more involved in lucrative jobs, attending high end parties and socializing: leaving their children to the fate of play schools and maids. Some would say that this is the “need of the time”. I strongly reject this theory. There is nothing more important than to make your children good human beings and to help them achieve their goals by instilling in them self confidence. If you can’t take care of them, don’t have children at the first place.

The world is full of agonies and atrocities. Our focus should be to prepare our children to fight these social stigmas and become strong individuals. This cannot be done by forcing your child to become something which he/she is not. Understand them. My father used to say “Compete with yourself. It doesn’t matter what the other person is saying or doing. Are you a better person than what you were yesterday? If yes, then you are on the right path”. We need to make our children learn to bask in the little successes they get from achieving something they like, as opposed to making them feel depressed for something which they do not excel at. I’ll re-iterate, bring out the best in them. Do not make them run the life marathon, just because everybody around them is running. You do know that people walk in a marathon as well, and complete the race just as satisfied as the winner? 😉

K.A.

The Marriage Masquerade

India has always been a pioneer of arranged marriages. Even in the 21st century, an overwhelming majority of weddings are arranged. Today, one of my relatives informed me that my cousin’s marriage has been fixed with some guy. Her tone while giving me this news was not happy, it was more of a “we-had-no-other-choice” kind. I asked her the details, and what I heard left me pondering about the entire arranged marriage drama.

“She was actually not getting many proposals, the major reason being that she does not have a good height. Also, she is a bit fat. And moreover she is 27 now, it’s a now or never situation and thus we had to finalize this one guy that is somewhat interested in her. He is working in one of the metro cities, earning 15k per month, he’s not that well off but then we don’t have any other choice”

This is what I was told. How do you feel about this? Frankly, I was a bit irritated after hearing this. I don’t blame the guys for wanting a size zero girl, this perception is built into them, unfortunately, by our elders. Marriage according to me is a union of two souls wanting to be with each other, be it arranged or love. Why does the outer appearance of a person matter at all? This is nothing but two people taking part in a masquerade party, hiding their true selves, dancing on the tunes of their elders.

How do you guarantee yourself a blissful future with a person who agrees to marry you only if you are of so and so height, weight, complexion? People, wake up! Girls are capable of achieving paramount heights, and they are these days (I don’t need to enumerate the examples). Don’t raise your child to be of perfect “shape”, rather, hone them to become strong individuals. Make HER realize her talents. Make HIM wise enough to recognize and acknowledge her talents.

We all need to take initiatives to eradicate these conceptions from the society. Nobody should be made to think low of themselves. I don’t mind being single, but I do mind changing myself just to get married.

Hoping to help make an impact,
K.A.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

We are malleable. We mould ourselves into something that we are not in order to “fit in”. We concede our dreams and aspirations to conformism. Why? Why are we carrying this amorphous shape of ours everywhere, ready to be fashioned as per the circumstances?

Unfortunately,  we make decisions in accordance with “fear”. The fear of losing, the fear of not being accepted, the fear of not making a mark: all these dreads in our mind make us what we are not. Why are we so much intimidated by the outside world? Most of the people would argue that situations and conditions make us take practical decisions. That is true, but does yielding yourself to situations and conditions make you happy? After all the “practical decisions”, I am pretty sure that towards the end of your life you would be sitting somewhere sequestered thinking “I had a dream…”.

In India, I have seen many families crushing the dreams of their children and making them engineers and doctors. Question is, what are we gaining from this? A bunch of unemployed engineers and doctors, struggling their way through life? India is not the same today. Talents such as singing, dancing, sports are being acknowledged. The Engineer-Doctor era is subsiding. If your child likes to dance, let him/her make a career out of it! There may be some fields of interest which are not that known in the Indian society. For instance photography. I don’t think there are any accredited courses on photography in our country. But if you have an inclination towards this course, find foreign universities which may provide you with the same. You may then come back and start an authorized course in India. Imagine the amount of aspirations you would be tending to!

Some professions loose value just because they don’t get enough exposure. Let’s take sports as an example. How many of us knew Milkha Singh and Mary Kom before their bollywood documentaries grabbed our attention? Avenues for sports have always been there in our country. It’s just the lack of exposure that make our future Milkha’s and Mary’s into engineers and doctors. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. Find paths, rather create paths, to achieve your goals.

The malleability factor in us not just exists in terms of career prospects. It can be witnessed in our everyday life as well. We change our personalities just to impress another being. I have seen girls putting on swathes of make up and a pretentious attitude just to be a part of the larger group of make-up driven pretentious women. I have also seen guys faking a chocolate boy image just to blend in the group of females seeking, well, a chocolate boy!

If you are living your life on someone else’s terms, you better change the way you live asap. You are not a slave. Have a clear goal in life. Introspect – find out what makes you happy, discover your true potential. Change your amorphous nature into a cohesive conglomeration of thoughts and actions leading to your dreams. It’s all up to you – to be or not to be, that is the question 🙂

K.A

10 quotes that will make you smile !

Had a bad day? Something doesn’t feel right? feeling depressed?

Well, worry not, because I’m sharing with you 10 quotes that are very close to my heart and always succeed in bringing back my smile 🙂 Read along and be happy!

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” – Dr. Seuss

“If you’re reading this…
Congratulations, you’re alive.
If that’s not something to smile about,
then I don’t know what is.”  
– Chad Sugg

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “Happy”. They told me I din’t understand the assignment, and I told them they din’t understand life” – John Lennon.

“And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.” – Suzanne Collins

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  – Leo Buscaglia 

“Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone.”  – Michael Jackson

“What screws us most in life, is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be” – Socrates

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“A day without laughter is a day wasted” – Charlie Chaplin

K.A.